if every one could just speak the truth..

Went for Pastor How's dad cremation last Friday. What Pastor Meng said revealed many things to me. Dont take the things and people around us for granted because one day, just one day, they might be gone from this world. Till then, it would all be too late to speak the truth, to say everything you've always wanted to and to even hear, touch and feel them. Life and death is unpredictable. There's so much fear in me that i might lose the close people around me without telling them how precious they were to me. Yet, its never really easy to speak the truth.


習慣就好

today i was told that what comes quickly would also go away fast. i just had to agree. i was also told that friendships are built over time. you can't be good friends straight away. it takes time for trust to build up. i love having hearty conversations with people. those without pressure. those that i dont have to think about what to speak about next. those that i have a natural connection with. those that have absolute no awkwardness. phonecalls are good. face to face conversations are the best. as for virtual conversations, they are the worst.

- quoted from jm's blog :)

One thing that I desire in my life Lord
To thirst and hunger after You alone
With all my heart and soul
With all my strength and love
To worship as Your glory fills this place

Deeper in love with You
Deeper in love with You
I love You more than anything in life
Deeper in love with You
Deeper in love with You
Oh how I love You Lord


He spoke and i heard.
To put Him first above everything else.
What I've lost, He will give me something even better if i choose to believe and trust in Him.
No matter what happens, He is still God, my God :)
My prayer is that He will place a desire in them to know Him even more and to draw even closer to Him :)

我的快樂 會回來的

WHY DO PEOPLE CHANGE SO EASILY! D:

i really hate to see people change so fast and so easily. but everyone is changing. you, you and you. maybe i am changing too. just had a long talk with zhilin and finally, i found someone whom shares the same thought as me. we are all growing up and our mindsets tend to change. i dont think i am the old innocent peijun living in her own bubble world anymore. i feel so irritated easily nowadays and just cannot stand how some people are behaving. but, this is so not peijun. oh dear.. i dont know what i want anymore and i dont know what makes me happy anymore... i used to be the optimistic and cheerful girl but i tend to think much lately. my visions seemed so blurred lately. But i know that no matter what, i stil have God and i'll cling on to Him. No mattter what, i still want to walk closer to Him.

dear God, i pray that You'll change my heart and my mind.

This is probably the most real post i've ever blogged and i hope nobody reads it. i know this is so not me :( just give me a few days or weeks, i ll make a decision to be optimistic again :D

2009 is finally gone! I dont know why i am blogging and i dont think anyone even reads this anymore but, i shall blog for my own sake. who knows, i might lose my memory one day and having a blog reminds me of what i did in the past :)

2009. what a year. it started off well but everything just went wrong towards the middle of the year. Studies, family, friendship, relationship, school, spiritual walk with God.. Nothing just falls in place. I thought it would be a good year but apparently, i was proven wrong. Many distractions came and i think that was part of my growing up stage. I hated those times. Thinking about it, i really hated those times with those bad thoughts i had. I hated when the closest people around me changed and knowing that i have to accept it. I kept questioning why to people and to God but i learnt to stop asking. I lost faith in the power of connection and closeness. I hated those moments when my heart sank due to disappointment and discouragement. Yet, it was the time i really grew and mature. People come and go in my life. I began to understand what is trust all about. If trust could be lost so easily, i would rather not trust anymore. If closeness is only temporary, i would rather not be close to anyone ever again. Slowly, A level drew nearer and it took my attention away for awhile. It sucks up my entire world. I wanted to do well, i wanted to glorify God and i wanted to impress people. I wanted to show people that tpjcians can do well. I think i tried my best till the last moment. The only regret was that i know i could have been more disciplined in the start of the year. Yet, there was no regret because i treasured those times. A levels ended and i was free. However, things did not go well as i expected. I wasnt as happy or excited as many have expected. There was this emotion in me that i still cant figure out what exactly it is. But, i cant deny that my life was still full of excitement. Shopping, travelling, movie, hanging out with people and everything that i always wanted to do before A levels. I could finally do all of that! :) and 2009 came to an end. Phew. what a year. I hated 2009 yet i loved it. It was indeed a year of preparation. God brought me to another level. I understood more things. 2010 will be a great year. God promised me in 2008 and i kept looking forward to 2010. Finally, its here. :) 2010 did not start off well, but i know God's promises never fail.

1 Corinthians 13:11
When I was a child, I talked like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child. When I became a man, I put childish ways behind me.

This year has been a busy year since the start. Breakthrough camp and with 3 jobs on my hands now. But im beginning to embrace this year with hope and faith, knowing that i am going to breakthrough in every area. I let go and put aside the past. Its going to be a different peijun this year. I want to be even closer to Him, build my spiritual life, bring my family to salvation, love people even more and grow in leadership. Its just going to be about God this entire year. I dont want to follow Him at a distance but to grow in intimacy with Him. No matter what my results will be this march, i will look onto Him and set my eyes upon Him. I made a decision last weekend and shared with weiyin :) This year shall be the best year ever in my whole life. If you think you want to destroy my life this year, dont even think about it :) I will love even more this year, and guard my heart even more this year :)

Its just the beginning of a great amazing year ahead. :)

A's is over! totally love my life now. im just gonna write what i have been doing so i can look back and check in the future :)

Weekend was spent well in church and i finally can hang out after services! Lazer tag was super cool. our church is really world class church. the planning team was just awesome! Im sure many new friends were impacted :) yeah man. church is not for the saved ones but for the unsaved ones. Im sure theres gonna be a great harvest coming especially as Big days draw nearer! grow grow grow. in quantity and quality :)

supper for the past two days and i think my digestive system kind of screwed up. havent been eating proper breakfasts and my meals are so rubbish. I need to live a healthy lifestyle again! and val cheong came my hse stay last night and we slept till noon. its my first time sleeping past noon after so long! but it doesnt feel good. haha. slping early and waking early still works better. but anyway, we ordered pizza and we had too much faith. we ordered two pizzas and two side dishes and couldnt finish. in fact, we left a box of pizza untouched. haha. kind of.

went for steamboat at cheryl's house after that and huishi and me took the wrong bus. we were 1 hr late! the guys and the two girls started eating. it was a good hang out :) the game was fun too. haha. i guess i ll really miss school. it just feels different without school! we were discussing about prom and still discussing now. im looking forward to it:) as quoted by huishi "im going to shock people" haha. its quite funny. but its gonna be fun with the fun bunch of people!

many times, our lives are made up of decisions. pastor how said last weekend that our lives are governed by our thinking. its so true. either be filled with good thoughts or bad thoughts. i rather have faith and think good thoughts because only by doing that, will it make me a happier person :) the past yr was a mess yet i learnt so many things. next yr is gonna be even better!:)

A levels is finally here and 3 papers down.. 5 more to go. It has not been good... Somehow im on the verge of giving up. haha. whats the point... whats the point of studying so hard for two years when on the actual day itself, you lose control of time management.. ahh. i really dont know what to say. But, i can only encourage the sec 4 ppl not to go to a jc. haha. but if i can, i wouldnt mind restarting this year. Alright, im not gonna give up. I'm still gonna give my best. Im a strong girl and my mind is strong. Yes, i ll fight till the end. Even if everything is not as expected, i know i have given my best.. at least at this moment..i ll do what i can.. and for now, I need to spend time with God. The verse from Jeremiah 29:11 keeps ringing in my head since monday. I believe God has placed that verse in my heart to assure me that no matter what the outcome may be, my future is safe in His hands.

Jeremiah 29:11
For I know the thoughts that I think toward you, says the LORD, thoughts of peace and not of evil, to give you a future and a hope.


Really like the chorus of this song, happy by leona lewis. :)

someone once told me
that you have to choose
what you win or lose
you cant have everything
dont you take chances
you might feel the pain
dont you love in vain
cause love wont set you free
i could stand by the side
and watch this life pass me by
so unhappy but safe as could be

so what if it hurts me
so what if i break down
so what if this world just throws me off the edge
my feet run out of ground
i gotta find my place
i wanna hear my sound
dont care about other pain infront of me
cause im just tryna be happy, yea
just wanna be happy, yea

holding on tightly
just cant let it go
just tryna play my roll
slowly diasappear, oooh
well all these tears
they feel like theyre the same
just different faces, different names
get me outta here
well i can stand by the side
and watch this life pass me by
pass me by

so what if it hurts me
so what if i break down
so what if this world just throws me off the edge
my feet run out of ground
i gotta find my place
i wanna hear my sound
dont care about other pain infront of me
cause im just tryna be happy
just wanna be happy
oooh

so any turns that i cant see
ill count a stranger on this road
but don’t say victim
dont say anythng

so what if it hurts me
so what if i break down
so what if this world just throws me off the edge
my feet run out of ground
i gotta find my place
i wanna hear my sound
dont care about all the pain infront of me
cause im just tryna be happy
just wanna be happy

2 more days to As! FINALLY. im feeling excited and happy that its gonna end, yet feeling so stress because i know, im not working HARD enough. SIGH. im supposed to be out in a birthday party now, but, i gotta study :(

i was just thinking, many people tell me, God will help me, God will bless me, God will bring me through since i've been faithful. But thoughts came to me and sometimes, people just cant stop thinking of bad stuffs yeah. And i started to have doubts and i thought, if God will help me, then wont He help other christians too since He loves us all the same. He doesnt love me more than any of them. And tell me, how many christians are there taking As! wont they all do well too! But they are my competitors!!! haha. i know its such a childish thought. Yet, i got a revelation:) God spoke to me. That it shall be according to my faith. While there are thousands and thousands of christians taking the same papers, we all have different level of faith and it is the amount of faith that we have that will bring us through. So, how much faith do i have now? haha.

well well well, so many things i want to do after As. i want to spend more time with church people, i want to go for integration outings, i want to go out with my cousins, i want to go for prom, i want to go out with my bro's gf and go shopping with her, i want to meet up with my pri school friends, i want to enlarge my social circle by going out to work. i want i want. But most importantly, i want to build my team. i want to bring more people in. we're gonna grow! :D


And i come across this song and was singing with zhilin. This is such a sad song :( Some people only realise how precious something is after they had taken it for granted and when things or circumstances become different. I dont want to be that in that category because i never want to lose something precious in life and only to realise it when it is gone. It is a decision i made.

下雨了站在玻璃门里头
并没有总是挂念着我
你带着雨伞来接我
夜晚了只剩老板跟我
像从前你抽着烟皱眉头
不知怎么安抚太任性的我

本来不觉得你特别疼我
直到你不再疼爱我以后
已经过去雨伞和雨衣
不会再庇护我
本来不觉得你特别疼我
直到你不再疼我以后
来不及了
手写的留言对象
已经不会是我

停雨了不必再躲雨了
已经过了该打烊的时候
还是不太想走
太晚了只能坐计程车
为什么想念着摩托车
常常会半路熄火的后座

本来不觉得你特别疼我
直到你放弃爱我以后
已经过去雨伞和雨衣
不会再庇护我
本来不觉得你特别疼我
直到你不再疼我以后
来不及了
长长的简讯对象
已经不会是我

走在湿漉漉红砖道上
沿着导盲砖试着假装
的确有点困难
也许我就这样走路回家
反正你不再在乎几点
该几点回到家

本来不觉得你特别疼我
直到你再也不疼我以后
已经过去雨伞和雨衣
不会再保护我
本来不觉得你特别疼我
直到你放弃爱我以后
来不及了
对不起长大太慢
害你遗失了我
抱歉让你白费了这么多

i thought i should just blog about whats happening in my life. So if one day i ever loss my memory, i ll be able to remember! oh man.. i hope that day doesnt come thought sometimes i wish it would be easier to forget certain stuffs that happened in my life. hahaha.

My bro went army this morning and i really miss him alot now. It feels so different without him disturbing me and just being there. Now then i realise how much difference it makes not having him at home. He would order macdelivery for us and drive me to church and stuff. Not forgetting how he woke up early at 6am one morning just to send me to school. oh man! haha. sounds so emo. But its only 2 weeks. haha. everything will be okay because i know he is in more than just one person's prayer. His girlfriend just told me he went with her to church before! oh man. God is moving. :) I should continue praying. haha. He even sings worship songs nowadays.. like. "God will make a way...when there seems to be no way.." Yeah man. God is so real. I have been spending so much time with my family these few days and i dont regret even if i had compromised my studying time. Family still comes before studies.

Went pulau tekong with family and my bro's girlfriend this morning. It doesnt seem as bad as i had thought it is. But, it seems tough. We saw guys cleaning window. HAHA. what a cool sight. And hongrui and daryl told me yes, they do clean windows themselves. hahaha. cool cool... Army turns boys to men. haha. i cant wait to see the changes it will do to my brother. Saw shengye and jiahock there too! Really cool. my bro's girlfriend was like telling me that im like a manager there or something. haha. okay, i cant remember what was the exact word she used.

After tekong, cheryl and i met up at airport to study. After much considerations, we decided to go to the t2 Macs. And at there, we changed tables like 3 times before we settle down in a comfortable area. We studied and got really frustrated. The funniest thing happened when we called weeyang who told us jiamin was jogging. the images of jm jogging in school just came to our mind. haha! And when jm called us, she kept demanding for the reason to why we know she was jogging and we told her that we saw her and asked her to wave to some hdb flat which we lied we were at. I just want to clarify. jiamin i know you read my post. haha. The thing is, we didnt have the purpose to lie to you! haha. But its because you persist on knowing the reason thats why, we played along. haha. But its really quite funny! at least we had a good laugh over the phone. hahaha. And while eating dinner, cheryl and i were just talking about our class and what might happen after As and stuffs. Its nice to have such talk. I hope that even as we part after prom, we'll still meet up:) Its quite a productive day i think.. QUITE. haha. we're gonna go back there to study again!:)

My eyes are so tired now. So many things i want to let out. all i want to say.. 2009 hurry go away... its a bad bad year. yet, i still love my life and i still thank God for EVERY thing that has happened and for EVERY person who has appeared in my life. i've received so much encouragements during this period. Even when i feel so sick of studying and discouraged, there are always people there to just speak life to me. I think i have been telling alot people that i'll treat them to something after my As because of what they have been doing for me and one of them is jessica koh! haha. whao. i believe 2010 will be a year of breakthroughs. :)

And hey weiyin, if you read this, just want to tell you that you have been a great support during my As period, always encouraging me. Thanks so much girl! There're so many things i want to do with you! We're gonna go chinatown eat, go sing songs, watch movie, shopping and just hanging out together. And even more, we are gonna work as a team and bring more souls into His kingdom, Amen! :) Love you very much! Keep growing and guarding your heart. you'll go farrrrrr.. :D

JUST THE BEGINNING...

what a glorious day
what a glorious way
that You have saved me!

:)

Prelims results are horrifying. Its time to work hard this last lap. Honestly, im feeling so much fear. What if i cant get into a local uni. It might be the end of the world. But i surrender all to God. His promises never fail. And no matter what it is, He'll have a great plan for me. I need to put in more hard work! Faith and hard work bring success! Speak faith!

Let Your will be done, Lord :)

Pastor Jamaal preached a great sermon this afternoon and the team from CCC was just amazing! Totally love their dance and praising and worshipping with them was just a privilege :) What an exciting weekend :) Heart of God church is just amazing. As pastor went through the report card, i was just so moved and touched by all the great things that God is doing in our church. For greater things have yet to come.. :D 2010 will be a GREAT year :)

Just saw a lyrics of "if i were a boy" by Beyonce. The lyrics is really cool.
and it says,
"It's a little too late for you to come back
Say it's just a mistake,
think i'd forgive you like that
If you thought I would wait for you
you thought wrong"

"You don't care how it hurts
Until you lose the one you wanted
Cause you're taking her for granted
And everything you had got destroyed"

It makes me realise how people tend to take their closest friends for granted sometimes. Maybe because they are always there, you never really think of what will happen if one day, they just disappear.. I dont want to have any regrets in my life yet, i dont want to face disappointments from people. Like what pastor jamaal said, the greater the expectations, the greater the disappointments. That sentence just hit me. Trust doesnt come easy but people take trust for granted. Its time to do some reflections.

Still excited for the future.. :)

I have to blog this! I read this at cheryl chern's blog.

"To cut the story short, I dreamt that Hitler was holding us captive at my previous home. And he found out that we were arming ourselves with penknives (mine was a green one that I stuffed into my jeans). I stabbed him. and we ran and he gave chase. All the way to the first floor. OK, in the end, he was supposed to be dead. But when we were watching the news, I realised that he was being interviewed and he told my father to beware!"

This is really funny. haha. i hope i dream of... i dont know. haha. just not Osama or Hezbollah and all those fundamentalist groups. hahaha. okay.. This shows that i have not really started studying for cold war!!! All that is on my mind is only from the theme of religious fundamentalism. OH MAN. i shall start soon :)

Life is good, life is great! Studying can be fun too. I am proud to say, i have not broken down because of studying so far. haha. I think i have become a strong girl! I just hope i will not crash when my results come out :( I need to work harder, need to sacrifice more... while others have more time to study, its not an excuse for me to do badly in school. A change of mindset is needed here!

Well well well. Some people are just trying too hard. They just dont get it. I dont get it too. But some things are not worth to be a fool for. I admit i was once a fool. But today, im only gonna be a fool for Christ :) Everytime i think of what i've gone through in life, i thank God. Because, everything happens for a reason and if i follow the narrow path, i will get there somehow. Maybe if i have not know him, not known her, things might be different. Yet, God still brought me far and i grow matured as a person. Sometimes we just need to be honest and evaluate on whether what we are doing, is really in God's will. Afterall, its all dependent on your relationship with God.. I treasure this relationship more than any other relationships because only God will never disappoint me. People change, but God is the same, yesterday, today and forever! :)

Jeremiah 17:9
"The heart is deceitful above all things and beyond cure. Who can understand it?"

Three days ago, i made a decision to give my heart to God. Not that i have not given my heart to Him, but i felt that sometimes as humans, we lose control and we just want to follow our heart(which is deceitful and wicked). I told God to guard my heart until the day, my heart is thouroughly cleansed. Today, i feel that my heart is so much cleaner and there is the peace of God guarding it.

So many good news last few days :) Exciting things are happening. Truly, greater things have yet to come. I'm excited for my future!:)How about you?

I see us, lifting up hands and worshipping God in a classroom. God's promises never never fail... :)

OH MAN!:( i hate what i am feeling now. The kind of sianess, knowing that prelims is in... 6 days time. Its so crazy :( RAH. i shall take control over my emotions for now. Whatever im feeling now, i ll give thanks to Him. I thank God for friends around me. haha. Seeing how the people in my life always bring laughter to me and always being there for me is just sweet enough. After going through so much, i made a decision never to take people for granted. When you start to open your eyes and see the bigger picture, you ll realise that actually there are many people, whom you seldom notice, who care and value you more than those you thought who does. I begin to understand what it means to say that our actions speak louder than our words. Sometimes, we're just too stuck in our own world. But its time to step out of it, and enjoy every second of my life. Now, i need to lift the value of some people in my life, and lower the value of the other few in my life who dont deserve it. hahaha. i can't believe im even feeling this way now. Perhaps, God is really testing me. No matter how much i try to avoid these thoughts.. Oh man. Peijun.. God is in still in control:) my thoughts are so disoriented now... so much i want to let out but words can never express it man. :( i need to be introduced to more bombastic words.

My birthday has passed and im officially 18 years and 2 days old now. D: SO OLD. haha. But im really touched by all the smses.. I love reading those long smses and the many cards i received. Its really sweet.. :) knowing how much others value you and giving thank to God for appearing in their lives. haha. It makes me want to do even more for people and lead a significant life.. :) Jessica is just so sweet. I once went out with her and told her i like a metal hairband with heart-shaped design. And she actually bought it! And jasmine said she bought it long ago.. haha. How can you not be touched man.. haha. I also finally know what jessica koh's secret mission is already. Haha. Its so amazing that ive only known her for a month and she actually did much for my birthday and the messages she sent just brightened my day :) Oh, and thanks jiamin, cheryl and huishi for the 18 boxes -.- haha. I am 'surprised'. You girls made me carry the huge bag of boxes everywhere and made me opened all the 18 boxes and to find that only one contains all the many different gifts! The rest of the boxes contain notes -.- You girls are the best man... haha. But still, thanks for the effort and spending 3 hrs wrapping the boxes and the 3G call at 12am. haha. :) And, jieru and the cuddle group leaders called and sang birthday song at midnight too. Haha. I was lol-ing throughout and they couldnt even sing a proper whole song! hahaha! Its really very funny. haha. And everyone started calling me cinderella -.- I just realised its everywhere, in blogs, in twitter, in smses..... :s Since when did i officially name myself cinderella! haha. So nonsense. And finally, i must say that nicholas's gift is the most meaningful one ever man.. hahaha. Even Valerie said she didnt know what to get for me anymore after seeing his gift. Haha. The best expression that describes what i felt when i saw it was.. O.O Hahaha! And, can i say that im really touched that the prayer group people in school actually even wished me even though i only attended twice of the meetings this year.. :s haha. And really have to thank daryl ooi who i dont even see anymore now. For the message in the card.. its nice reading it. haha. My brother even called from Thailand to wish me on my birthday:) Its nice that he even remembers it. And to all my pri school friends who smsed me! haha. Thats the best part. After like so long of not meeting up. Weiwei sent a sweet msg too :) Thanks so much everyone :) I'll make full use of all the gifts. hahaha.

Heal my heart and make it clean
Open up my eyes to the things unseen..

my favourite people in school :)

eloise is asking me to go her house for stayover now!!! at such a good timing! haha. speaking of that, val, nic and hr almost wanted to come my hse for supper and then stay! but, something happened. haha. well. there'll be another time :) after my A's! HAHA. but met val for supper just now. just had a nice chat and stuff. after like few days of not meeting up. haha. i was on the bus back home and i realised that the people on the bus were all kind of weird... :s


Before the supper, i met up huishi and we went ion together! haha. it was my first time there and that place is HUGE. that we couldnt even find where the toilet is. I didnt really like the crowd though. Singaporeans are really free.. haha. It has been a long time since i last travelled beyond paya lebar mrt station. And, im serious! haha. im either at school or in church. And of cos, home :) haha. My brother would call me a mountain turtle. Anyway, we bought a skirt! haha. We saw many things we like but didnt buy them in the end. After awhile, jiamin joined us:) Talked about the lunch which i missed in the afternoon due to my econs tutor who has superrr tight schedule. -.- He was like nagging at me non-stop after i told him that i was going ion after tuition. haha. It was nice hanging out with the girls, and cheryl, where are you!!! sigh. there'll be a next time that the 4 of us can just hang out together! Definitely after our A's is over. We need a break!

School was stupid. the j1s had celebration while the j2s had normal lessons after 9am. SIGH. I had mc for past two days and it wasnt that bad to go to school again. At least, i can see the people whom i enjoy hanging out with :) But, it was quite a bad day today, according to jiamin. haha. But i guess the day turned great when she realised derek is fine with her postponing her tuition slot. haha. Mr ng is the funniest and slackest teacher i've ever met. Which teacher on earth will take stupid qigong pictures with his student. He's just bored of teaching i guess. haha. But it was really quite funny. Yes, school isnt that bad afterall! Its just the studying part which is BAD.

I cant wait for this weekend to come! In fact, it is already here. haha. Thing are going to be great. I need more faith! i really do.. haha.

I just really love my life, love what i am doing. All that has past has past. It'll all be left with memories but things will not be the same again. Now is the time to look forward and anticipate a greater future. I want to do great things for God and be a history maker! This revival will not stop! I hold the vision He gave in my heart. This revival will not stop even during the A's period. More people will come. The harvest is plentiful. It truly is plentiful.. :) Think bigger!

On that day when I see
All that You have for me
When I see You face to face
There surrounded by Your grace
All my fears swept away
In the light of Your embrace
Where Your love is all I need
And forever I am free

Where the streets are made of gold
In Your presence healed and whole
Let the songs of heaven
Rise to You alone

In this life I will stand
Through my joy and my pain
Knowing there's a greater day
There's a hope that never fails
Where Your Name is lifted high
And forever praises rise
For the glory of Your Name
I'm believing for the day

Where the wars and violence cease
All creation lives in peace
Let the songs of heaven

No weeping no hurt or pain
No suffering You hold me now
You hold me now
No darkness no sick or lame
No hiding You hold me now
You hold me now

Peijun cannot fall sick! No she cant! Oh man, i really cant afford to fall sick at this moment. Its not good to miss lessons afterall. AHH. NOO! i cant fall sick now! at least not until A levels end :( Speaking of that, it reminded me that i've less than 100 days left :(

Just watched 'fated to love you' on channel u and kind of miss that show! i watched it after Promos last year. haha. Miss those time when i just dont have to worry about exams. arhh.. soon soon... just a little more. Im gonna conquer that huge mountain.

But first, I got to take out huge elephants in my head. So many things recently. And i find myself being distracted constantly. When i tried to study, thoughts start crowding in my head. I hate this kind of feeling. Why is it so hard to get them out. I made a decision to stop thinking but yet, i failed. I need to study! This year is indeed not a smooth year and i know God is moulding me, building me to be a stronger person. It seems like everyone is facing problems in the area of relationships recently. Or should i just say, problem with people. haha. I've come to realise that everyone has a story to tell about their life. You will never be able to understand someone deeply because even we cant understand ourselves fully. I've come to realise that closeness is not based on how much smses or calls you made with another person but is based on the quality time you spend with him. How can you even tell what this person is thinking just by looking at the screen of your handphone or computer. Was that even closeness to begin with. I still cant figure that out. Yet, i believe there was something special about it. Something that God has planned beforehand so we can all grow. I hate pretense. I really hate it.. I pray that God will bring me back the simplicity in me, just like how i was as i read through my old blog posts. People around me will NOT change me. I've learnt it the hard way that people do change. haha. even the closest people change so quickly that you are unable to tell which of them is real. Its disappointing yet frustrating. But, they can change all they want, i will not. Others can, i cannot. At the end of the day, i know, i will not compromise my destiny for anything. Seeing how people are living their lives placed a burden in me sometimes. God, take control of every area in my life because only You know which is the path i should take.

FOP on friday was just fabulous. Pastors and HoGc videos are the BEST. I'm just so proud to be part of this wonderful church. Youths under 22 can do such a great stop-motion video. Only in HoGc can you find such a commited bunch of youths who will go the extra mile just to make things happen and bring glory to God! Truly, at the end of the day, its not about bringing us famous, but giving God all the glory. Jesus increase, i decrease :)


powerful video with a powerful message :D

Looking at the amount of tissues im using, I shall not go school tomorrow :( But, its not a rest day... I will try to study D:

YAY im a happy girl. Weiyin's email and jessica's sms.. Pastor Lia's sermon was awesome! my God is great! Its all about having the child-like faith again, holding on to God, believing in Him to move. I've seen so much recently, got to know so much recently, went through the lowest point of my life when my parents just get sooooo upset with me, my results are one of the lowest in class despite having two tuitons, being late for school twice in two weeks and all the ups and downs. But none of these things move me! I'll STAND. Dont lose focus peijun! Everything that i am doing now, is only for God. To fulfil His calling. I will NEVER compromise my destiny in Him. NEVER. A levels and exams and objection will NOT pull me down. Keep loving people and building people, drawing people nearer to God. Bringing people in to this big family of God. There's so much more i can still do. I'll never be satisfied. Prepare your heart peijun! Because there's still SOOO much more i can do with His power. Miracles and dreams do come true.. They do if i believe and work for it. Keep my focus on God and run this race of faith!

I'm gonna labour with His power:)

Such a powerful song :)

Would you believe me if i said
That we are the ones who can make the change in the world today
Would you believe me if i said
that all of the dreams in your heart can come true.....today...
would you believe me if i said
that life could be all that you want it to be ...today...

and if i had wings i would fly
'cause all that i need You are
and if the world caved in around me
to You i'd still hold on
'cause Your all that i believe
and the one that created me Jesus....
because of You i'm Free

Would you belive me if i said
that God can make miracles happen today
would you believe me if i said
that you don't need to wait for the answer before you step out in faith
would you believe me if i said that nothing is ever impossible.. for God

Just live your life with God inside
you won't regret one moment of it
and give all that you can for God. for God

For yiying and valerie who kept asking me to blog. I've blogged:)

Byebye:)

HAHA. but seriously, i've got so much to say but now is not the right time. look at the time! :( its time to sleep. tomorrow will be a great day with great follow up. And Jessica and Sabrina are each bringing a friend each! WHAO:D This is powerful alright :) And, weiyin intitiated a worship and prayer session with me. Thats COOL :) Everyone is growing, i am growing too:) Contented but never satisfied! AMEN:D

A A A B B! DREAM BIG! I'm gonna shock my classmates and teachers and parents to the max. Its time for the invisible hard work peijun! You've been so distracted recently, but now its time to let that go. There are many more things to work on and do. I love my life:) My life has a greater purpose:) And, i pray you will find your purpose in life one day too and lead a great awesome life! Heart of God church is the best church ever :) i love my pastors :) Who says we cant do well in church and in school at the same time. I just need discipline man! Discipline!!!

Believe and trust. Whats that man. Not everyone deserves my trust. right? haha. But yes valerie, even if one day i found out that youre not the valerie that i once knew, i will still believe and trust in you girl!:) HAHAHA. Still, its better to trust in the Lord :)

alright! only four more hours in my lala land! tomorrow will be great. i proclaimed it! :D

Be blameless, peijun :)

its been a long time since i last slept past noon :) happy youth's day :)

Exams have ended but yet, im not feeling delighted at all. i screwed up my maths and history paper, and maybe china studies too. i'm so going to fail 2 h2s :( how bad can that be. Its not as if i did not try my best, but the past few weeks have been rather distracting for me. I tried to study. I tried to put in effort but yet, it was not effective at all. Oh man :( this cant be happening for A levels too! Prelims is coming.. near my birthday :( sigh. haha. I am really not prepared to take A's. Will you just postpone the exams? h1n1 has the ability to do so :) haha. but again, i have come so far! how can i be discouraged so easily! Yes, im learning to let go of all the bad thoughts and let God take control. And, i will not be defeated so easily. 4 more months to go. I'm going to expand and think bigger and greater. because my God can do exceedingly above all that we ask or think :) amen.

I love weekends so much :) D5 is really growing! And not just in quantity, but also in quality. The newer people in the cg are also rising up to take ownership of the cg. haha. And, i really have to say that shipei, yiying and eloise are the people that always always make me laugh alot! haha. i really love to hang out with people like them :) I love d5 and i thank God for placing me in this lovely family :) And, i really love to do follow ups with jessica :) After every follow up lesson, there's this sense of fulfilment in me and hearing what jessica shares really put a smile on my face :) More than that, i always receive my own personal revelation while preparing for the lessons :) Even during the exams period, i will give my best for every follow up lesson. This is a decision i made.

Lets give God the best years of our lives:) Its not about living the relaxing and comfortable life we want. But i found greater purpose in living a life for God and others. Pastor Kent's sermons really impacted me. Only Jesus can satisfy us. Why would people want to look for security and hope in another person through relationship? All these are only temporary if they are not in God's purpose and will. Why waste those time and having to go through hurts and disappointment. Pastor kent said that sins is never satisfying. Truly, once we fall into it, we will fall deeper and deeper and keeps going further and further from God's purpose and words. These thorns growing inside of us will soon crowd out the word of God and soon, there will be no space for His words. Whao, what he shared really clicks with what i shared with jessica for follow up lesson on friday :) What pastor kent says really encourage me, God will let us meet the right people on the other side of the battle. The people that will go through life together with us. He will provide the peace and prosperity. I've got to go.

I'm so looking forward for DR AR Bernard services! Im anticipating for greater things to happen :)

Yiying sent me this song on friday and i just fall in love with this song. I let everyone hears this song. haha. And it was only yesterday that i realise it was a very old song-.- Jieru said she loved this song during her JC days. And wendy neo said she used to emo this song after she broke up with her boyfriend. haha. But its a reallly nice song with really sweet lyrics. Thats what love is really about man.. haha. I pray that God will let me meet someone whom i can sing this song for and really mean every single word that i sing. haha. AND, its not a fairytale. it is realistic -.-
When you have to look away
When you don't have much to say
That's when I love you
I love you
Just that way

To hear you stumble when you speak
or see you walk with two left feet
That's when I love you
I love you...endlessly

And when your mad cause you lost a game
Forget im waiting in the rain
Baby I love you
I love you anyway

Cause here's my promise made tonight
You can count on me for life
Cause that's when I love you
When nothing you do can change my mind
The more I learn the more I love
The more my heart can't get enough
That's when I love you
When I love you no matter what

So when you turn to hide your eyes
Because the movie, it made you cry
That's when I love you
I love you a little more each time

And when you can't quite match your clothes
Or when you laugh at your own jokes
That's when I love you
I love you more than you know

And when you forget that we had a date
That look that u give when you show up late
Baby I love you
I love you anyway

Cause here's my promise made tonight
You can count on me for life
Cause that's when I love you
When nothing you do can change my mind
The more I learn the more I love
The more my heart can't get enough
That's when I love you
When I love you no matter what

That's when I love you
When nothing baby
Nothing you do can change my mind
The more I learn the more i love
The more my heart can't get enough
Thats when I love you
When I love you
No matter what

If no one will listen
If you decide to speak
If no one's left standing after the bombs explode
If no one wants to look at you
For what you really are
I will be here still

i need to focus! i cannot take it anymore D: i just cant focus. i have really really short attention span and this is really bad. 4 more months to A's... come on peijun. you said you can do it. why are you procrastinating! why are you letting yourself being distracted :( honestly, i cant wait for this year to end. SIGH.

people really confuse me at times with the things they do. personally, i dont see myself as a complicated person but the world and the people around me complicate my perspective of them. yet, a part of me still wants to trust and believe. maybe, because it matters alot to me. but one truth is that, i cant deny everything that is happening now. its time to grow out of your bubble world, peijun. the fact is, people do change, unknowingly. i pray the mystery will be unlocked soon. and till that day, i will only cry out to God to take away all the nonsense thoughts in my head. i still see hope.

still, i thank God for everything that has happened and for the people He put in my life. i know i will grow to be wiser and stronger.

Though all else falls away, still i'll praise.

yes valerie cheong, i am blogging now :)

But words just cant express how i am feeling now :s Today was a bad exam day. I'm tired of telling it because i think i told everyone about how 'bad' my day was. But i thank God for everyone who made me smiled and laughed:) Its time to start putting in extra extra effort. Time waits for no man! Just a little more.. peijun :) you can do it:) yes, i can! :D

2 Timothy 1:7
"For God has not given us a spirit of fear, but of power and of love and of a sound mind"


I think i really like love songs :) Jasmine lets me listen to disney songs. Haha. Its really nice.
And this song is nice too:) its not disney song!

Your Guardian Angel - acoustic.mp3 -


When I see your smile,
Tears run down on my face.
I can't replace.
And now that I'm stronger, I have figured out,
How this world turns cold and it breaks through my soul.
And I know I'll find deep inside me,
I can be the one.

I will never let you fall. (let you fall.)
I'll stand up with you forever.
I'll be there for you through it all. (through it all.)
Even if saving you sends me to heaven.

Seasons are changing,
And waves are crashing,
And stars are falling all for us.
Days grow longer and nights grow shorter,
I can show you I'll be the one

I will never let you fall. (let you fall.)
I'll stand up with you forever.
I'll be there for you through it all. (through it all.)
Even if saving you sends me to heaven.

'Cause you're my, you're my, my-e-y-e-y,
My true love, my whole heart.
Please don't throw that away.
'Cause I'm here... for you!
Please don't walk away and,
Please tell me you'll stay... here

the lyrics is nice although it doesnt relate to me :)