I miss blogging here :D

...

if every one could just speak the truth..

Went for Pastor How's dad cremation last Friday. What Pastor Meng said revealed many things to me. Dont take the things and people around us for granted because one day, just one day, they might be gone from this world. Till then, it would all be too late to speak the truth, to say everything you've always wanted to and to even hear, touch and feel them. Life and death is unpredictable. There's so much fear in me that i might lose the close people around me without telling them how precious they were to me. Yet, its never really easy to speak the truth.


習慣就好

today i was told that what comes quickly would also go away fast. i just had to agree. i was also told that friendships are built over time. you can't be good friends straight away. it takes time for trust to build up. i love having hearty conversations with people. those without pressure. those that i dont have to think about what to speak about next. those that i have a natural connection with. those that have absolute no awkwardness. phonecalls are good. face to face conversations are the best. as for virtual conversations, they are the worst.

- quoted from jm's blog :)

One thing that I desire in my life Lord
To thirst and hunger after You alone
With all my heart and soul
With all my strength and love
To worship as Your glory fills this place

Deeper in love with You
Deeper in love with You
I love You more than anything in life
Deeper in love with You
Deeper in love with You
Oh how I love You Lord


He spoke and i heard.
To put Him first above everything else.
What I've lost, He will give me something even better if i choose to believe and trust in Him.
No matter what happens, He is still God, my God :)
My prayer is that He will place a desire in them to know Him even more and to draw even closer to Him :)

我的快樂 會回來的

WHY DO PEOPLE CHANGE SO EASILY! D:

i really hate to see people change so fast and so easily. but everyone is changing. you, you and you. maybe i am changing too. just had a long talk with zhilin and finally, i found someone whom shares the same thought as me. we are all growing up and our mindsets tend to change. i dont think i am the old innocent peijun living in her own bubble world anymore. i feel so irritated easily nowadays and just cannot stand how some people are behaving. but, this is so not peijun. oh dear.. i dont know what i want anymore and i dont know what makes me happy anymore... i used to be the optimistic and cheerful girl but i tend to think much lately. my visions seemed so blurred lately. But i know that no matter what, i stil have God and i'll cling on to Him. No mattter what, i still want to walk closer to Him.

dear God, i pray that You'll change my heart and my mind.

This is probably the most real post i've ever blogged and i hope nobody reads it. i know this is so not me :( just give me a few days or weeks, i ll make a decision to be optimistic again :D

2009 is finally gone! I dont know why i am blogging and i dont think anyone even reads this anymore but, i shall blog for my own sake. who knows, i might lose my memory one day and having a blog reminds me of what i did in the past :)

2009. what a year. it started off well but everything just went wrong towards the middle of the year. Studies, family, friendship, relationship, school, spiritual walk with God.. Nothing just falls in place. I thought it would be a good year but apparently, i was proven wrong. Many distractions came and i think that was part of my growing up stage. I hated those times. Thinking about it, i really hated those times with those bad thoughts i had. I hated when the closest people around me changed and knowing that i have to accept it. I kept questioning why to people and to God but i learnt to stop asking. I lost faith in the power of connection and closeness. I hated those moments when my heart sank due to disappointment and discouragement. Yet, it was the time i really grew and mature. People come and go in my life. I began to understand what is trust all about. If trust could be lost so easily, i would rather not trust anymore. If closeness is only temporary, i would rather not be close to anyone ever again. Slowly, A level drew nearer and it took my attention away for awhile. It sucks up my entire world. I wanted to do well, i wanted to glorify God and i wanted to impress people. I wanted to show people that tpjcians can do well. I think i tried my best till the last moment. The only regret was that i know i could have been more disciplined in the start of the year. Yet, there was no regret because i treasured those times. A levels ended and i was free. However, things did not go well as i expected. I wasnt as happy or excited as many have expected. There was this emotion in me that i still cant figure out what exactly it is. But, i cant deny that my life was still full of excitement. Shopping, travelling, movie, hanging out with people and everything that i always wanted to do before A levels. I could finally do all of that! :) and 2009 came to an end. Phew. what a year. I hated 2009 yet i loved it. It was indeed a year of preparation. God brought me to another level. I understood more things. 2010 will be a great year. God promised me in 2008 and i kept looking forward to 2010. Finally, its here. :) 2010 did not start off well, but i know God's promises never fail.

1 Corinthians 13:11
When I was a child, I talked like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child. When I became a man, I put childish ways behind me.

This year has been a busy year since the start. Breakthrough camp and with 3 jobs on my hands now. But im beginning to embrace this year with hope and faith, knowing that i am going to breakthrough in every area. I let go and put aside the past. Its going to be a different peijun this year. I want to be even closer to Him, build my spiritual life, bring my family to salvation, love people even more and grow in leadership. Its just going to be about God this entire year. I dont want to follow Him at a distance but to grow in intimacy with Him. No matter what my results will be this march, i will look onto Him and set my eyes upon Him. I made a decision last weekend and shared with weiyin :) This year shall be the best year ever in my whole life. If you think you want to destroy my life this year, dont even think about it :) I will love even more this year, and guard my heart even more this year :)

Its just the beginning of a great amazing year ahead. :)

A's is over! totally love my life now. im just gonna write what i have been doing so i can look back and check in the future :)

Weekend was spent well in church and i finally can hang out after services! Lazer tag was super cool. our church is really world class church. the planning team was just awesome! Im sure many new friends were impacted :) yeah man. church is not for the saved ones but for the unsaved ones. Im sure theres gonna be a great harvest coming especially as Big days draw nearer! grow grow grow. in quantity and quality :)

supper for the past two days and i think my digestive system kind of screwed up. havent been eating proper breakfasts and my meals are so rubbish. I need to live a healthy lifestyle again! and val cheong came my hse stay last night and we slept till noon. its my first time sleeping past noon after so long! but it doesnt feel good. haha. slping early and waking early still works better. but anyway, we ordered pizza and we had too much faith. we ordered two pizzas and two side dishes and couldnt finish. in fact, we left a box of pizza untouched. haha. kind of.

went for steamboat at cheryl's house after that and huishi and me took the wrong bus. we were 1 hr late! the guys and the two girls started eating. it was a good hang out :) the game was fun too. haha. i guess i ll really miss school. it just feels different without school! we were discussing about prom and still discussing now. im looking forward to it:) as quoted by huishi "im going to shock people" haha. its quite funny. but its gonna be fun with the fun bunch of people!

many times, our lives are made up of decisions. pastor how said last weekend that our lives are governed by our thinking. its so true. either be filled with good thoughts or bad thoughts. i rather have faith and think good thoughts because only by doing that, will it make me a happier person :) the past yr was a mess yet i learnt so many things. next yr is gonna be even better!:)

A levels is finally here and 3 papers down.. 5 more to go. It has not been good... Somehow im on the verge of giving up. haha. whats the point... whats the point of studying so hard for two years when on the actual day itself, you lose control of time management.. ahh. i really dont know what to say. But, i can only encourage the sec 4 ppl not to go to a jc. haha. but if i can, i wouldnt mind restarting this year. Alright, im not gonna give up. I'm still gonna give my best. Im a strong girl and my mind is strong. Yes, i ll fight till the end. Even if everything is not as expected, i know i have given my best.. at least at this moment..i ll do what i can.. and for now, I need to spend time with God. The verse from Jeremiah 29:11 keeps ringing in my head since monday. I believe God has placed that verse in my heart to assure me that no matter what the outcome may be, my future is safe in His hands.

Jeremiah 29:11
For I know the thoughts that I think toward you, says the LORD, thoughts of peace and not of evil, to give you a future and a hope.


Really like the chorus of this song, happy by leona lewis. :)

someone once told me
that you have to choose
what you win or lose
you cant have everything
dont you take chances
you might feel the pain
dont you love in vain
cause love wont set you free
i could stand by the side
and watch this life pass me by
so unhappy but safe as could be

so what if it hurts me
so what if i break down
so what if this world just throws me off the edge
my feet run out of ground
i gotta find my place
i wanna hear my sound
dont care about other pain infront of me
cause im just tryna be happy, yea
just wanna be happy, yea

holding on tightly
just cant let it go
just tryna play my roll
slowly diasappear, oooh
well all these tears
they feel like theyre the same
just different faces, different names
get me outta here
well i can stand by the side
and watch this life pass me by
pass me by

so what if it hurts me
so what if i break down
so what if this world just throws me off the edge
my feet run out of ground
i gotta find my place
i wanna hear my sound
dont care about other pain infront of me
cause im just tryna be happy
just wanna be happy
oooh

so any turns that i cant see
ill count a stranger on this road
but don’t say victim
dont say anythng

so what if it hurts me
so what if i break down
so what if this world just throws me off the edge
my feet run out of ground
i gotta find my place
i wanna hear my sound
dont care about all the pain infront of me
cause im just tryna be happy
just wanna be happy

2 more days to As! FINALLY. im feeling excited and happy that its gonna end, yet feeling so stress because i know, im not working HARD enough. SIGH. im supposed to be out in a birthday party now, but, i gotta study :(

i was just thinking, many people tell me, God will help me, God will bless me, God will bring me through since i've been faithful. But thoughts came to me and sometimes, people just cant stop thinking of bad stuffs yeah. And i started to have doubts and i thought, if God will help me, then wont He help other christians too since He loves us all the same. He doesnt love me more than any of them. And tell me, how many christians are there taking As! wont they all do well too! But they are my competitors!!! haha. i know its such a childish thought. Yet, i got a revelation:) God spoke to me. That it shall be according to my faith. While there are thousands and thousands of christians taking the same papers, we all have different level of faith and it is the amount of faith that we have that will bring us through. So, how much faith do i have now? haha.

well well well, so many things i want to do after As. i want to spend more time with church people, i want to go for integration outings, i want to go out with my cousins, i want to go for prom, i want to go out with my bro's gf and go shopping with her, i want to meet up with my pri school friends, i want to enlarge my social circle by going out to work. i want i want. But most importantly, i want to build my team. i want to bring more people in. we're gonna grow! :D


And i come across this song and was singing with zhilin. This is such a sad song :( Some people only realise how precious something is after they had taken it for granted and when things or circumstances become different. I dont want to be that in that category because i never want to lose something precious in life and only to realise it when it is gone. It is a decision i made.

下雨了站在玻璃门里头
并没有总是挂念着我
你带着雨伞来接我
夜晚了只剩老板跟我
像从前你抽着烟皱眉头
不知怎么安抚太任性的我

本来不觉得你特别疼我
直到你不再疼爱我以后
已经过去雨伞和雨衣
不会再庇护我
本来不觉得你特别疼我
直到你不再疼我以后
来不及了
手写的留言对象
已经不会是我

停雨了不必再躲雨了
已经过了该打烊的时候
还是不太想走
太晚了只能坐计程车
为什么想念着摩托车
常常会半路熄火的后座

本来不觉得你特别疼我
直到你放弃爱我以后
已经过去雨伞和雨衣
不会再庇护我
本来不觉得你特别疼我
直到你不再疼我以后
来不及了
长长的简讯对象
已经不会是我

走在湿漉漉红砖道上
沿着导盲砖试着假装
的确有点困难
也许我就这样走路回家
反正你不再在乎几点
该几点回到家

本来不觉得你特别疼我
直到你再也不疼我以后
已经过去雨伞和雨衣
不会再保护我
本来不觉得你特别疼我
直到你放弃爱我以后
来不及了
对不起长大太慢
害你遗失了我
抱歉让你白费了这么多

i thought i should just blog about whats happening in my life. So if one day i ever loss my memory, i ll be able to remember! oh man.. i hope that day doesnt come thought sometimes i wish it would be easier to forget certain stuffs that happened in my life. hahaha.

My bro went army this morning and i really miss him alot now. It feels so different without him disturbing me and just being there. Now then i realise how much difference it makes not having him at home. He would order macdelivery for us and drive me to church and stuff. Not forgetting how he woke up early at 6am one morning just to send me to school. oh man! haha. sounds so emo. But its only 2 weeks. haha. everything will be okay because i know he is in more than just one person's prayer. His girlfriend just told me he went with her to church before! oh man. God is moving. :) I should continue praying. haha. He even sings worship songs nowadays.. like. "God will make a way...when there seems to be no way.." Yeah man. God is so real. I have been spending so much time with my family these few days and i dont regret even if i had compromised my studying time. Family still comes before studies.

Went pulau tekong with family and my bro's girlfriend this morning. It doesnt seem as bad as i had thought it is. But, it seems tough. We saw guys cleaning window. HAHA. what a cool sight. And hongrui and daryl told me yes, they do clean windows themselves. hahaha. cool cool... Army turns boys to men. haha. i cant wait to see the changes it will do to my brother. Saw shengye and jiahock there too! Really cool. my bro's girlfriend was like telling me that im like a manager there or something. haha. okay, i cant remember what was the exact word she used.

After tekong, cheryl and i met up at airport to study. After much considerations, we decided to go to the t2 Macs. And at there, we changed tables like 3 times before we settle down in a comfortable area. We studied and got really frustrated. The funniest thing happened when we called weeyang who told us jiamin was jogging. the images of jm jogging in school just came to our mind. haha! And when jm called us, she kept demanding for the reason to why we know she was jogging and we told her that we saw her and asked her to wave to some hdb flat which we lied we were at. I just want to clarify. jiamin i know you read my post. haha. The thing is, we didnt have the purpose to lie to you! haha. But its because you persist on knowing the reason thats why, we played along. haha. But its really quite funny! at least we had a good laugh over the phone. hahaha. And while eating dinner, cheryl and i were just talking about our class and what might happen after As and stuffs. Its nice to have such talk. I hope that even as we part after prom, we'll still meet up:) Its quite a productive day i think.. QUITE. haha. we're gonna go back there to study again!:)

My eyes are so tired now. So many things i want to let out. all i want to say.. 2009 hurry go away... its a bad bad year. yet, i still love my life and i still thank God for EVERY thing that has happened and for EVERY person who has appeared in my life. i've received so much encouragements during this period. Even when i feel so sick of studying and discouraged, there are always people there to just speak life to me. I think i have been telling alot people that i'll treat them to something after my As because of what they have been doing for me and one of them is jessica koh! haha. whao. i believe 2010 will be a year of breakthroughs. :)

And hey weiyin, if you read this, just want to tell you that you have been a great support during my As period, always encouraging me. Thanks so much girl! There're so many things i want to do with you! We're gonna go chinatown eat, go sing songs, watch movie, shopping and just hanging out together. And even more, we are gonna work as a team and bring more souls into His kingdom, Amen! :) Love you very much! Keep growing and guarding your heart. you'll go farrrrrr.. :D

JUST THE BEGINNING...

what a glorious day
what a glorious way
that You have saved me!

:)

Prelims results are horrifying. Its time to work hard this last lap. Honestly, im feeling so much fear. What if i cant get into a local uni. It might be the end of the world. But i surrender all to God. His promises never fail. And no matter what it is, He'll have a great plan for me. I need to put in more hard work! Faith and hard work bring success! Speak faith!

Let Your will be done, Lord :)

Pastor Jamaal preached a great sermon this afternoon and the team from CCC was just amazing! Totally love their dance and praising and worshipping with them was just a privilege :) What an exciting weekend :) Heart of God church is just amazing. As pastor went through the report card, i was just so moved and touched by all the great things that God is doing in our church. For greater things have yet to come.. :D 2010 will be a GREAT year :)

Just saw a lyrics of "if i were a boy" by Beyonce. The lyrics is really cool.
and it says,
"It's a little too late for you to come back
Say it's just a mistake,
think i'd forgive you like that
If you thought I would wait for you
you thought wrong"

"You don't care how it hurts
Until you lose the one you wanted
Cause you're taking her for granted
And everything you had got destroyed"

It makes me realise how people tend to take their closest friends for granted sometimes. Maybe because they are always there, you never really think of what will happen if one day, they just disappear.. I dont want to have any regrets in my life yet, i dont want to face disappointments from people. Like what pastor jamaal said, the greater the expectations, the greater the disappointments. That sentence just hit me. Trust doesnt come easy but people take trust for granted. Its time to do some reflections.

Still excited for the future.. :)

I have to blog this! I read this at cheryl chern's blog.

"To cut the story short, I dreamt that Hitler was holding us captive at my previous home. And he found out that we were arming ourselves with penknives (mine was a green one that I stuffed into my jeans). I stabbed him. and we ran and he gave chase. All the way to the first floor. OK, in the end, he was supposed to be dead. But when we were watching the news, I realised that he was being interviewed and he told my father to beware!"

This is really funny. haha. i hope i dream of... i dont know. haha. just not Osama or Hezbollah and all those fundamentalist groups. hahaha. okay.. This shows that i have not really started studying for cold war!!! All that is on my mind is only from the theme of religious fundamentalism. OH MAN. i shall start soon :)

Life is good, life is great! Studying can be fun too. I am proud to say, i have not broken down because of studying so far. haha. I think i have become a strong girl! I just hope i will not crash when my results come out :( I need to work harder, need to sacrifice more... while others have more time to study, its not an excuse for me to do badly in school. A change of mindset is needed here!

Well well well. Some people are just trying too hard. They just dont get it. I dont get it too. But some things are not worth to be a fool for. I admit i was once a fool. But today, im only gonna be a fool for Christ :) Everytime i think of what i've gone through in life, i thank God. Because, everything happens for a reason and if i follow the narrow path, i will get there somehow. Maybe if i have not know him, not known her, things might be different. Yet, God still brought me far and i grow matured as a person. Sometimes we just need to be honest and evaluate on whether what we are doing, is really in God's will. Afterall, its all dependent on your relationship with God.. I treasure this relationship more than any other relationships because only God will never disappoint me. People change, but God is the same, yesterday, today and forever! :)

Jeremiah 17:9
"The heart is deceitful above all things and beyond cure. Who can understand it?"

Three days ago, i made a decision to give my heart to God. Not that i have not given my heart to Him, but i felt that sometimes as humans, we lose control and we just want to follow our heart(which is deceitful and wicked). I told God to guard my heart until the day, my heart is thouroughly cleansed. Today, i feel that my heart is so much cleaner and there is the peace of God guarding it.

So many good news last few days :) Exciting things are happening. Truly, greater things have yet to come. I'm excited for my future!:)How about you?

I see us, lifting up hands and worshipping God in a classroom. God's promises never never fail... :)

OH MAN!:( i hate what i am feeling now. The kind of sianess, knowing that prelims is in... 6 days time. Its so crazy :( RAH. i shall take control over my emotions for now. Whatever im feeling now, i ll give thanks to Him. I thank God for friends around me. haha. Seeing how the people in my life always bring laughter to me and always being there for me is just sweet enough. After going through so much, i made a decision never to take people for granted. When you start to open your eyes and see the bigger picture, you ll realise that actually there are many people, whom you seldom notice, who care and value you more than those you thought who does. I begin to understand what it means to say that our actions speak louder than our words. Sometimes, we're just too stuck in our own world. But its time to step out of it, and enjoy every second of my life. Now, i need to lift the value of some people in my life, and lower the value of the other few in my life who dont deserve it. hahaha. i can't believe im even feeling this way now. Perhaps, God is really testing me. No matter how much i try to avoid these thoughts.. Oh man. Peijun.. God is in still in control:) my thoughts are so disoriented now... so much i want to let out but words can never express it man. :( i need to be introduced to more bombastic words.

My birthday has passed and im officially 18 years and 2 days old now. D: SO OLD. haha. But im really touched by all the smses.. I love reading those long smses and the many cards i received. Its really sweet.. :) knowing how much others value you and giving thank to God for appearing in their lives. haha. It makes me want to do even more for people and lead a significant life.. :) Jessica is just so sweet. I once went out with her and told her i like a metal hairband with heart-shaped design. And she actually bought it! And jasmine said she bought it long ago.. haha. How can you not be touched man.. haha. I also finally know what jessica koh's secret mission is already. Haha. Its so amazing that ive only known her for a month and she actually did much for my birthday and the messages she sent just brightened my day :) Oh, and thanks jiamin, cheryl and huishi for the 18 boxes -.- haha. I am 'surprised'. You girls made me carry the huge bag of boxes everywhere and made me opened all the 18 boxes and to find that only one contains all the many different gifts! The rest of the boxes contain notes -.- You girls are the best man... haha. But still, thanks for the effort and spending 3 hrs wrapping the boxes and the 3G call at 12am. haha. :) And, jieru and the cuddle group leaders called and sang birthday song at midnight too. Haha. I was lol-ing throughout and they couldnt even sing a proper whole song! hahaha! Its really very funny. haha. And everyone started calling me cinderella -.- I just realised its everywhere, in blogs, in twitter, in smses..... :s Since when did i officially name myself cinderella! haha. So nonsense. And finally, i must say that nicholas's gift is the most meaningful one ever man.. hahaha. Even Valerie said she didnt know what to get for me anymore after seeing his gift. Haha. The best expression that describes what i felt when i saw it was.. O.O Hahaha! And, can i say that im really touched that the prayer group people in school actually even wished me even though i only attended twice of the meetings this year.. :s haha. And really have to thank daryl ooi who i dont even see anymore now. For the message in the card.. its nice reading it. haha. My brother even called from Thailand to wish me on my birthday:) Its nice that he even remembers it. And to all my pri school friends who smsed me! haha. Thats the best part. After like so long of not meeting up. Weiwei sent a sweet msg too :) Thanks so much everyone :) I'll make full use of all the gifts. hahaha.

Heal my heart and make it clean
Open up my eyes to the things unseen..

my favourite people in school :)

eloise is asking me to go her house for stayover now!!! at such a good timing! haha. speaking of that, val, nic and hr almost wanted to come my hse for supper and then stay! but, something happened. haha. well. there'll be another time :) after my A's! HAHA. but met val for supper just now. just had a nice chat and stuff. after like few days of not meeting up. haha. i was on the bus back home and i realised that the people on the bus were all kind of weird... :s


Before the supper, i met up huishi and we went ion together! haha. it was my first time there and that place is HUGE. that we couldnt even find where the toilet is. I didnt really like the crowd though. Singaporeans are really free.. haha. It has been a long time since i last travelled beyond paya lebar mrt station. And, im serious! haha. im either at school or in church. And of cos, home :) haha. My brother would call me a mountain turtle. Anyway, we bought a skirt! haha. We saw many things we like but didnt buy them in the end. After awhile, jiamin joined us:) Talked about the lunch which i missed in the afternoon due to my econs tutor who has superrr tight schedule. -.- He was like nagging at me non-stop after i told him that i was going ion after tuition. haha. It was nice hanging out with the girls, and cheryl, where are you!!! sigh. there'll be a next time that the 4 of us can just hang out together! Definitely after our A's is over. We need a break!

School was stupid. the j1s had celebration while the j2s had normal lessons after 9am. SIGH. I had mc for past two days and it wasnt that bad to go to school again. At least, i can see the people whom i enjoy hanging out with :) But, it was quite a bad day today, according to jiamin. haha. But i guess the day turned great when she realised derek is fine with her postponing her tuition slot. haha. Mr ng is the funniest and slackest teacher i've ever met. Which teacher on earth will take stupid qigong pictures with his student. He's just bored of teaching i guess. haha. But it was really quite funny. Yes, school isnt that bad afterall! Its just the studying part which is BAD.

I cant wait for this weekend to come! In fact, it is already here. haha. Thing are going to be great. I need more faith! i really do.. haha.

I just really love my life, love what i am doing. All that has past has past. It'll all be left with memories but things will not be the same again. Now is the time to look forward and anticipate a greater future. I want to do great things for God and be a history maker! This revival will not stop! I hold the vision He gave in my heart. This revival will not stop even during the A's period. More people will come. The harvest is plentiful. It truly is plentiful.. :) Think bigger!

On that day when I see
All that You have for me
When I see You face to face
There surrounded by Your grace
All my fears swept away
In the light of Your embrace
Where Your love is all I need
And forever I am free

Where the streets are made of gold
In Your presence healed and whole
Let the songs of heaven
Rise to You alone

In this life I will stand
Through my joy and my pain
Knowing there's a greater day
There's a hope that never fails
Where Your Name is lifted high
And forever praises rise
For the glory of Your Name
I'm believing for the day

Where the wars and violence cease
All creation lives in peace
Let the songs of heaven

No weeping no hurt or pain
No suffering You hold me now
You hold me now
No darkness no sick or lame
No hiding You hold me now
You hold me now

Peijun cannot fall sick! No she cant! Oh man, i really cant afford to fall sick at this moment. Its not good to miss lessons afterall. AHH. NOO! i cant fall sick now! at least not until A levels end :( Speaking of that, it reminded me that i've less than 100 days left :(

Just watched 'fated to love you' on channel u and kind of miss that show! i watched it after Promos last year. haha. Miss those time when i just dont have to worry about exams. arhh.. soon soon... just a little more. Im gonna conquer that huge mountain.

But first, I got to take out huge elephants in my head. So many things recently. And i find myself being distracted constantly. When i tried to study, thoughts start crowding in my head. I hate this kind of feeling. Why is it so hard to get them out. I made a decision to stop thinking but yet, i failed. I need to study! This year is indeed not a smooth year and i know God is moulding me, building me to be a stronger person. It seems like everyone is facing problems in the area of relationships recently. Or should i just say, problem with people. haha. I've come to realise that everyone has a story to tell about their life. You will never be able to understand someone deeply because even we cant understand ourselves fully. I've come to realise that closeness is not based on how much smses or calls you made with another person but is based on the quality time you spend with him. How can you even tell what this person is thinking just by looking at the screen of your handphone or computer. Was that even closeness to begin with. I still cant figure that out. Yet, i believe there was something special about it. Something that God has planned beforehand so we can all grow. I hate pretense. I really hate it.. I pray that God will bring me back the simplicity in me, just like how i was as i read through my old blog posts. People around me will NOT change me. I've learnt it the hard way that people do change. haha. even the closest people change so quickly that you are unable to tell which of them is real. Its disappointing yet frustrating. But, they can change all they want, i will not. Others can, i cannot. At the end of the day, i know, i will not compromise my destiny for anything. Seeing how people are living their lives placed a burden in me sometimes. God, take control of every area in my life because only You know which is the path i should take.

FOP on friday was just fabulous. Pastors and HoGc videos are the BEST. I'm just so proud to be part of this wonderful church. Youths under 22 can do such a great stop-motion video. Only in HoGc can you find such a commited bunch of youths who will go the extra mile just to make things happen and bring glory to God! Truly, at the end of the day, its not about bringing us famous, but giving God all the glory. Jesus increase, i decrease :)


powerful video with a powerful message :D

Looking at the amount of tissues im using, I shall not go school tomorrow :( But, its not a rest day... I will try to study D:

YAY im a happy girl. Weiyin's email and jessica's sms.. Pastor Lia's sermon was awesome! my God is great! Its all about having the child-like faith again, holding on to God, believing in Him to move. I've seen so much recently, got to know so much recently, went through the lowest point of my life when my parents just get sooooo upset with me, my results are one of the lowest in class despite having two tuitons, being late for school twice in two weeks and all the ups and downs. But none of these things move me! I'll STAND. Dont lose focus peijun! Everything that i am doing now, is only for God. To fulfil His calling. I will NEVER compromise my destiny in Him. NEVER. A levels and exams and objection will NOT pull me down. Keep loving people and building people, drawing people nearer to God. Bringing people in to this big family of God. There's so much more i can still do. I'll never be satisfied. Prepare your heart peijun! Because there's still SOOO much more i can do with His power. Miracles and dreams do come true.. They do if i believe and work for it. Keep my focus on God and run this race of faith!

I'm gonna labour with His power:)

Such a powerful song :)

Would you believe me if i said
That we are the ones who can make the change in the world today
Would you believe me if i said
that all of the dreams in your heart can come true.....today...
would you believe me if i said
that life could be all that you want it to be ...today...

and if i had wings i would fly
'cause all that i need You are
and if the world caved in around me
to You i'd still hold on
'cause Your all that i believe
and the one that created me Jesus....
because of You i'm Free

Would you belive me if i said
that God can make miracles happen today
would you believe me if i said
that you don't need to wait for the answer before you step out in faith
would you believe me if i said that nothing is ever impossible.. for God

Just live your life with God inside
you won't regret one moment of it
and give all that you can for God. for God

For yiying and valerie who kept asking me to blog. I've blogged:)

Byebye:)

HAHA. but seriously, i've got so much to say but now is not the right time. look at the time! :( its time to sleep. tomorrow will be a great day with great follow up. And Jessica and Sabrina are each bringing a friend each! WHAO:D This is powerful alright :) And, weiyin intitiated a worship and prayer session with me. Thats COOL :) Everyone is growing, i am growing too:) Contented but never satisfied! AMEN:D

A A A B B! DREAM BIG! I'm gonna shock my classmates and teachers and parents to the max. Its time for the invisible hard work peijun! You've been so distracted recently, but now its time to let that go. There are many more things to work on and do. I love my life:) My life has a greater purpose:) And, i pray you will find your purpose in life one day too and lead a great awesome life! Heart of God church is the best church ever :) i love my pastors :) Who says we cant do well in church and in school at the same time. I just need discipline man! Discipline!!!

Believe and trust. Whats that man. Not everyone deserves my trust. right? haha. But yes valerie, even if one day i found out that youre not the valerie that i once knew, i will still believe and trust in you girl!:) HAHAHA. Still, its better to trust in the Lord :)

alright! only four more hours in my lala land! tomorrow will be great. i proclaimed it! :D

Be blameless, peijun :)

its been a long time since i last slept past noon :) happy youth's day :)

Exams have ended but yet, im not feeling delighted at all. i screwed up my maths and history paper, and maybe china studies too. i'm so going to fail 2 h2s :( how bad can that be. Its not as if i did not try my best, but the past few weeks have been rather distracting for me. I tried to study. I tried to put in effort but yet, it was not effective at all. Oh man :( this cant be happening for A levels too! Prelims is coming.. near my birthday :( sigh. haha. I am really not prepared to take A's. Will you just postpone the exams? h1n1 has the ability to do so :) haha. but again, i have come so far! how can i be discouraged so easily! Yes, im learning to let go of all the bad thoughts and let God take control. And, i will not be defeated so easily. 4 more months to go. I'm going to expand and think bigger and greater. because my God can do exceedingly above all that we ask or think :) amen.

I love weekends so much :) D5 is really growing! And not just in quantity, but also in quality. The newer people in the cg are also rising up to take ownership of the cg. haha. And, i really have to say that shipei, yiying and eloise are the people that always always make me laugh alot! haha. i really love to hang out with people like them :) I love d5 and i thank God for placing me in this lovely family :) And, i really love to do follow ups with jessica :) After every follow up lesson, there's this sense of fulfilment in me and hearing what jessica shares really put a smile on my face :) More than that, i always receive my own personal revelation while preparing for the lessons :) Even during the exams period, i will give my best for every follow up lesson. This is a decision i made.

Lets give God the best years of our lives:) Its not about living the relaxing and comfortable life we want. But i found greater purpose in living a life for God and others. Pastor Kent's sermons really impacted me. Only Jesus can satisfy us. Why would people want to look for security and hope in another person through relationship? All these are only temporary if they are not in God's purpose and will. Why waste those time and having to go through hurts and disappointment. Pastor kent said that sins is never satisfying. Truly, once we fall into it, we will fall deeper and deeper and keeps going further and further from God's purpose and words. These thorns growing inside of us will soon crowd out the word of God and soon, there will be no space for His words. Whao, what he shared really clicks with what i shared with jessica for follow up lesson on friday :) What pastor kent says really encourage me, God will let us meet the right people on the other side of the battle. The people that will go through life together with us. He will provide the peace and prosperity. I've got to go.

I'm so looking forward for DR AR Bernard services! Im anticipating for greater things to happen :)

Yiying sent me this song on friday and i just fall in love with this song. I let everyone hears this song. haha. And it was only yesterday that i realise it was a very old song-.- Jieru said she loved this song during her JC days. And wendy neo said she used to emo this song after she broke up with her boyfriend. haha. But its a reallly nice song with really sweet lyrics. Thats what love is really about man.. haha. I pray that God will let me meet someone whom i can sing this song for and really mean every single word that i sing. haha. AND, its not a fairytale. it is realistic -.-
When you have to look away
When you don't have much to say
That's when I love you
I love you
Just that way

To hear you stumble when you speak
or see you walk with two left feet
That's when I love you
I love you...endlessly

And when your mad cause you lost a game
Forget im waiting in the rain
Baby I love you
I love you anyway

Cause here's my promise made tonight
You can count on me for life
Cause that's when I love you
When nothing you do can change my mind
The more I learn the more I love
The more my heart can't get enough
That's when I love you
When I love you no matter what

So when you turn to hide your eyes
Because the movie, it made you cry
That's when I love you
I love you a little more each time

And when you can't quite match your clothes
Or when you laugh at your own jokes
That's when I love you
I love you more than you know

And when you forget that we had a date
That look that u give when you show up late
Baby I love you
I love you anyway

Cause here's my promise made tonight
You can count on me for life
Cause that's when I love you
When nothing you do can change my mind
The more I learn the more I love
The more my heart can't get enough
That's when I love you
When I love you no matter what

That's when I love you
When nothing baby
Nothing you do can change my mind
The more I learn the more i love
The more my heart can't get enough
Thats when I love you
When I love you
No matter what

If no one will listen
If you decide to speak
If no one's left standing after the bombs explode
If no one wants to look at you
For what you really are
I will be here still

i need to focus! i cannot take it anymore D: i just cant focus. i have really really short attention span and this is really bad. 4 more months to A's... come on peijun. you said you can do it. why are you procrastinating! why are you letting yourself being distracted :( honestly, i cant wait for this year to end. SIGH.

people really confuse me at times with the things they do. personally, i dont see myself as a complicated person but the world and the people around me complicate my perspective of them. yet, a part of me still wants to trust and believe. maybe, because it matters alot to me. but one truth is that, i cant deny everything that is happening now. its time to grow out of your bubble world, peijun. the fact is, people do change, unknowingly. i pray the mystery will be unlocked soon. and till that day, i will only cry out to God to take away all the nonsense thoughts in my head. i still see hope.

still, i thank God for everything that has happened and for the people He put in my life. i know i will grow to be wiser and stronger.

Though all else falls away, still i'll praise.

yes valerie cheong, i am blogging now :)

But words just cant express how i am feeling now :s Today was a bad exam day. I'm tired of telling it because i think i told everyone about how 'bad' my day was. But i thank God for everyone who made me smiled and laughed:) Its time to start putting in extra extra effort. Time waits for no man! Just a little more.. peijun :) you can do it:) yes, i can! :D

2 Timothy 1:7
"For God has not given us a spirit of fear, but of power and of love and of a sound mind"


I think i really like love songs :) Jasmine lets me listen to disney songs. Haha. Its really nice.
And this song is nice too:) its not disney song!

Your Guardian Angel - acoustic.mp3 -


When I see your smile,
Tears run down on my face.
I can't replace.
And now that I'm stronger, I have figured out,
How this world turns cold and it breaks through my soul.
And I know I'll find deep inside me,
I can be the one.

I will never let you fall. (let you fall.)
I'll stand up with you forever.
I'll be there for you through it all. (through it all.)
Even if saving you sends me to heaven.

Seasons are changing,
And waves are crashing,
And stars are falling all for us.
Days grow longer and nights grow shorter,
I can show you I'll be the one

I will never let you fall. (let you fall.)
I'll stand up with you forever.
I'll be there for you through it all. (through it all.)
Even if saving you sends me to heaven.

'Cause you're my, you're my, my-e-y-e-y,
My true love, my whole heart.
Please don't throw that away.
'Cause I'm here... for you!
Please don't walk away and,
Please tell me you'll stay... here

the lyrics is nice although it doesnt relate to me :)

the weather is cold tonight. my hands and feet are cold now. my heart is cold too. haha. woah. sounds emo. but, nope, im not emo-ing:) haha. my heart is still warm:)


2 more days of mugging. i am prepared to sacrifice my weekend already. haha. my econs tutor was telling me a few days ago, "you dont look stress. is it cause you have too much faith or you have given up." i was telling jasmine, this tiime round, i ll just trust iin God to bring me through. But after that, i am going to chiong like mad. Because, faith without hard work is DEAD. amen.

Just realised, alot of people are facing relationships problems. Just today, i heard of 3 problems. or rather, 4. people come and people go. in life, there are many people who will hurt us because, humans are not perfect. but there's just certain things that i have still yet to understand but i pray God will reveal it to me soon. I ll take it as a lesson learnt. Not to trust people so easily. It hurts. especially when the person matters most to you. Those people you share everything with. people whom you just thought you can trust. I have been living in my bubble world all along. and i can't believe that humans are actually so scary. People just scare me by the things they do. i dont think i am able to trust people who can even break their promises to God. Its scary. i despise hypocrites. But, my God doesnt. God is still faithful. I shall learn to love the unlovables. I need more love in my life and more acceptance. Be Christ-like. Yes. Let go and let God:) Still, i thank God for people like valerie, who always bothers me in the middle of the night.. TSK. hahaha:)


"Could it be, that You're in control.."


:) i love my life. i thank God for people who care. Really, i am a blessed girl. I need to know my position in Christ! With God, i have authority and victory!:D Ytd's follow up lesson with Jessica was great! I know i gave my best but i'm not satisfied. I'm gonna do even better the next lesson. Great things are happening. I love the things im doing now because i know i'm doing it for a greater purpose. How pastors really sacrifice and love the youths in heart of God church never fails to inspire me. I want to catch the hearts of pastors and keep loving people. Every life is precious in His eyes.



I still thank God for EVERY single person He has placed in my life:) The outing with my family yesterday was sweet. and i think my bro is a good guy. he offers to drive me to church this morning. just sad that he's going off to army soon:(

Reasons i love my life :)

weiyin, you just amazed me again and again. When i heard the amount you pledged last weekend, i was just blown away. haha. it takes alot of faith but i know miracles are going to happen when you made a covenant with God. Breakthroughs will come. Trust that God will provide :) You're just one powerful woman!

Life is not all about studying and studying although we NEED to study:( But there's a greater purpose in life and i want to run for that cause!

Past few weeks have been great. I feel myself growing in faith and closer to Him when i do my qt. There's just this desire of wanting to receive from Him and to just depend on Him. More than that, i really love the people in my life. I realised im someone who really values relationships more than anything else. I love spending tiime with people, especially my closer friends and family. They make me happy more than anything else:) And, zachary, jasmine, timothy, daryl and i met on saturday! It was a super random outing but i still enjoyed it. We can just talk about anything and its good to talk to daryl again and he is now bald!!! i still remember he was the one who would morning call me in the morning so that i could make it for prayer meet! haha. and he was just like a big brother to me and i've learnt alot from him too. i just miss those times we had prayer meet together in school last year. okay, i only went for twice this year i thhink :x haha. but i really miss people who graduated. like daryl and althea and even joash, who sings in the high pitch voice. haha. Time really passes fast...

Went to jiamin's house ytd to study and had econs tuition over at her house. I really think that the econs tutor is quite interesting and he really likes to nag alot. He makes me feels like i'm not studying hard enough. And, jiamin has started nagging at me too. I should go her hse study more. haha. and we surprised cheryl at her house -.- jiamin's idea again. haha. watched past of ghost girlfriend with zhenghui:) i must say that it wasnt as nice as i had expected. Hannah montana is sooo much nicer!:) i wouldnt mind watching it again. haha.

whao. nicholas just smsed me that he saw pastor tan at bedok blk 85 eating ba chor mee! SO COOL right!:D i wish im there but i shouldnt be as havoc as them.

we had a crazy night ytd. val came my hse at midnight,when i was about to step into lala land. and we casually asked nicholas and hongrui to buy supper over to my house. and guess what, they actually did it! And my parents were already asleep. haha. At first, we were having girls talk so we locked them out of my house for like 15miins. haha. but these guys are 'quite' nice at times:) so, we ate supper at liike 3am -.- and the funniest part was when nic actually fell off the chair! hahahaha! and, val and me continued our talk while nic and hongrui stayed in the computer room and we totally left the two on their own. It was crazy. I still cant believe they actually stayed over at my house. at least, my bro wasn't at home. haha. and my parents were shocked at first to see them. but my mom was so nice to the guys that they kept telling me my mom is as nice as me :) HAHA. apparently, hongrui was saying my mom is so nice, unlike me -.- well. they just havent seen the nice part of me:) but it was a good time of talk with val cheong and we actually talked all the way till 6am and prayed. indeed, we really shared out of our hearts. really, everyone has a story to tell of their lives and there's actually more than beyond what we see of a person everyday. and i thank God there's someone you can just share things with and know that he or she will not judge you differently and will be able to relate to you:)

i better start planning my study plans for june before my econs tutor come nagging at me again! i cant wait for zone camp! im really really looking forward for the revival nights! I'm anticipating for a breakthrough in my spiritual life and i know it will happen, especially during this whole period before the A's. Just like how i grow during the O's period, it will be the same this time. I will hold on to my vision and run because i know that one day, i will look back and say that it's all worth it:)

On this altar, i've written my life
Tells of the story i have with You, my Lord
i want the world to know

God of my forever, and forever i'm with You
my life is saved with a price,
Your sacrifice, redeemed my soul
God of my forever, and forever i will sing
my greatest honour will always be to serve my Lord and King

Firstly, i have to thank two crazy women for coming all the way to my house to wake me up on monday morning because i overslept and missed econs lecture! you girls are the best lah:) hahaha. and although i was reluctant to let you all in at first (because i hadn't brushed my teeth and wash up!), but im thankful for the "wake up call" and waiting for me to prepare to go for breakfast together. haha. its quite crazy. like what cheryl said in her blog, my mom must be happy that you all came to wake me up. she was complaining to the girls non-stop -.- and sorry for my rude brother who was shouting at you all :S haha.

Went to watch hannah montana with weiyin and jerene and the show is really good:) its kind of like modern day fairytale. the guy is cute:) and the movie is funny and sweet. Had dinner with my parents at a hk restaurant atfer that:)

Today was a long day... Went for chc prayer meet with jessica. It was awesome awesome awesome:) Really glad she made it. And when i prayed for her, i felt that God was moving and putting strength and faith in her. I felt so led by the Holy Spirit and it was just a great time of prayer together. I had a powerful qt last night. And i know God's promise will not fail if i have faith and believe in Him. There can be miracles when you believe :) Had history lesson after that and went for sl. And the kids there really bring smile to my faces.especially kaifeng. He's SO CUTE. i heard he has autism. but still, i like him and i just smile whenever i see him. he's really really cute. especially his hair. he likes to twirl his hair and he does it every like 20 secs! SERIOUSLY! And those few strands will stand up. hahaha! super cute Went down for cafe clean up straight after sl. Was tired but still, i feel faith in me and a sense of fulfilment.

Going for huddle cuddliing soon. So many things to say but so little time to blog. still, life is good because God is good :)

Just a few minutes ago, i was multi tasking!:) Watching video, smsing people, talking on msn to people and eating my burger!!! dont be mistaken. thats my dinner -.- at 1am:) hahaha. truly, we're living in a fast paced society where we just got to do so many things at a time, always rushing and fighting with time which always passes so fast like nobody's business. this reminds me of the busyness compre. well. im feeling sleepy now actually. but i just have to talk about my exciting life:) haha.

A week of holiday just passed. And i only studied for 2 days :( The rest of the week was just busy with events and stuffs. Wed had wedding the whole day and i went for the tea ceremony too -.- haha. Wedding dinner was funny. My brother made me laughed throughout the dinner. He's just.... so immature for his age. AHAHA. but he can really make me laugh. all his nonsense and jokes. haha. And, my mother laughed with us too. haha. the wedding was cool. i want to be a wedding planner. And i like all their wedding photos. So sweet! especially the photo at the Singapore flyer. But my brother was saying, he wants to go overseas for wedding photoshoot. Haha. i agree:) I'm 4d-ing myself getting marry at age 25. HAHAHA. joking. But God definitely has a better plan for me. I shall stop dreaming and let God take me to where He has planned for me. That'll be a real fairytale. haha.

Thursday was a day spent with qianqian. haha. we studied in the noon. And we met alot of mjc people. Qianqian was saying she didnt know her school people study so much as she's always at home and didnt know what the rest are doing outside. Well. Study. yes. all JC people do is, study! what a good life. haha. And we went shopping after that! i love the shopping outing spent with yiwen, shipei, eloise and qianqian. We had a great time together. Thanks shipei for all the funny and silly actions and jokes. You make our day man. hahaha! but i love shopping with them. Its amazing how we understand each other's 'style' so well. Haha. especially qianqian's!!! Everytime we see a shirt that we think qianqian will wear, we'll just shout "qianqian!" haha. but we had fun:) and we were even thinking of exchanging style one day. Like yiwen wearing qianqian's style and me wearing yiwen's style and so on. hahaha. i look forward to another shopping outing with you girls :)

Friday was another packed day. Tuition, service learning then follow up training session with pastor lia!:) Service learning was better than i expected. And i got to know cch people in the kids connect thing! Its a small world afterall. Seriously. I was super shocked and excited. They were telling me about the cch camp and stuff. And this guy was telling me, that our cch camp is 10 times better than his old church camp. Haha. When i told fungqi that, she was like super happy. Haha. And another kid told me how he finds the kid connect thingy boring after going for cch camp! HAHA. Yeah, of cos. We're heart of God church:) Im not boasting. But where else can you find kids who will be so passionate about church and God, always reaching out to their friends in school. haha. Follow up training with pastor lia was just powerful. I indeed learnt so much from pastor lia and pastor lia really spend alot of time and effort in preparing for the notes and training. I love my pastors :) Follow up is really the foundation for all christians and i want to give my best for the follow ups im going to do next time. I really really love heart of God church. Many thoughts were just going through in my mind. What pastor lia said really struck me, serving God is not about our feelings, but we serve God with our character. That sentence just struck me and hit me so hard. God was just speaking to me throughout the whole follow up training. Lead by His revelation and not by my own knowledge. That'll be the most powerful kind of leadership, when we are being led by His spirit. i desire for more of His presence and power in my life. Its time to expand my mindset and spirit. Today's service just spoke to me too. I felt like all my burdens are being lifted. I was feeling so burdened past few days. But, im going to let go and let God take control. Sow and you will reap :)

Okay. The burger is making me sleepy. Goodnight:)

Let my lifesong sing to You

Having mass conver with people now:)

Today's the last day of school! Gonna miss the 3 of them! And we saw a poster today titled"effects of stress" and there were 4 of them. Each of them really represents each of us! Huishi and cheryl's ones are the funniest! Shall wait for cheryl to post the picture. haha. And im sure they're gonna miss my "HAI-ings" Haha. Went down to TP after school and i felt like an alien there. But i had a great time with a bunch of great people. Though was just a casual lunch, i love this kind of company. Accompanied jasmine to polyclinic and waited for a looong time. haha. talked about qualities of husband again. and yes, my "tip-toe and kiss" thing shall come true:) hahaha. jasmine must be laughing when she reads this. haha. and had dinner with family before a long and tiring tuition. i must say, i love my parents. my mom was asking what im so frustrated about recently. She really cares for me:) And, shes coming for parenting workshop tmr! i told her, i will tell her after the workshop. So she will be able to help me better and not nag at me. HAHA.

Alright alright, study. i know. but i want to proclaim here: i love my life! though i may be sad, disappointed, tired, frustrated, irritated, stress and many more negative feelings you can think about, im still loving my life. i have only one life to live. how i choose to live it lies in my hands. i want to make my life a significant one. And i thank God for friends who care. for zhenghui who calls me when i wasnt feeling good, for jasmine who keeps speaking life to me, for cheryl jiamin huishi for always making me laugh in school, for zhilin who says she'll pray for my future husband(-.-), for weiyin who always shares good news with me and everyone, especially d5, who's always there to make me happy:) And most importantly, i thank God for jieru who always sow into our lives, teaching us to be better leaders and to love others. and i thank God for pastors and heart of God church:) im really sad i cant make it for pastoral meetng:( but im excited for the follow ups with pastor lia! There's so much more i can learn. I want to receive more. And i want to keep loving people and loving life. God has been faithful. I see light in the darkness. When im weak, He is strong. His grace is sufficient for me:) It has been a terrible week. Jiamin says, it takes 3 weeks to break a habit. I will die. this 3 weeks is crucial for me!!! how can i waste 3 weeks. haha. but, with God's power, i shall break it in 3 more days. I ll be a happier person then ! :)

When im weak, You are strong
You're my feet when i cant move on
You are the light in the dark
You're the whisper inside my heart

guess what! i napped for four hours just now! Jieru was saying it wasnt a nap at all. haha.But i didnt mean to. i only lied on my parents' huge comfy bed and before i knew it, i was in lala land and did not come back to reality. haha. how i wish i can stay there longer. haha. but my tutorials and studies were haunting me even in lala land D: and when i woke, the sky was dark and it was 9. how horrible is that. no wonder, im so awake now:)

school is great. laughed alot in school to de-stress:) its good to have friends who are stress too cos we can de-stress together:D
melvin showed me this song ytd and i think the lyrics is really meaningful. the climb by miley cyrus.

I can almost see it
That dream I'm dreaming but
There's a voice inside my head sayin,
You'll never reach it,

Every step I'm taking,
Every move I make feels
Lost with no direction
My faith is shaking but I
Got to keep trying
Got to keep my head held high

There's always going to be another mountain
I'm always going to want to make it move
Always going to be an uphill battle,
Sometimes you going to have to lose,
Ain't about how fast I get there,
Ain't about what's waiting on the other side
It's the climb

The struggles I'm facing,
The chances I'm taking
Sometimes they knock me down but
No I'm not breaking
I may not know it
But these are the moments that
I'm going to remember most yeah
Just got to keep going
And I,
I got to be strong
Just keep pushing on, cause

There's always going to be another mountain
I'm always going to want to make it move
Always going to be an uphill battle,
Sometimes I'm going to have to lose,
Ain't about how fast I get there,
Ain't about what's waiting on the other side
It's the climb

Keep on moving
Keep climbing
Keep the faith baby
It's all about
It's all about
The climb
Keep the faith
Keep your faith

I was just praying in the afternoon. Im beginning to dislike what i'm feeling and thinking nowadays. The thoughts that always pull me down everytiime i try to focus on my studies. I prayed that He'll cast them all away. And, it came to me. That noone and nothing can make us sad or disappointed without our consent, or rather, God's consent. Many times, its our emotions that led us to feel all the bad and negative feelings and sadly, most people gave consent to these emotions by allowiing them to control us. Its such a horrible thing to let emotions rule over the way we live our life. Its scary. But, God's will is not for us to feel that way. He wants us to live each day, having the joy of the Lord in us and more than that, spreading this joy to the people around us. yeah, i ll rely and depend only on Him. I ll get over it and move every mountain in my life. i live to glorify Him.

On a random note, i was talking to weiyin about dream husband. Haha. And shipei is the funniest. i remember her telling me her criteria for her husband - good looking, buy rose for her blahblah. and best, averagely rich. HAHA. how do you even gauge how rich one guy is? seriously.. haha. and weiyin also wants someone a little rich. haha. so realistic. yeah if i can dream, i ll dream for a rich rich man:) but in reality, averagely rich sounds good:) everyone says i have high expectations. but then again, all i pray for is someone who will love me for who i am, williing to do anything to make me happy and will never never never never never hurt me or make me sad. a fairytale story with a happy ending :) hahaha :x every girl is a guy's missing rib. cool huh. so dont worry of not getting a life partner! hahaha!

its 1 am... sleep or study? hmm.

Had hq after school and it was a long hq. But it was great. Truly, every impression slip is a piece of destiny. haha. The tpjc group is growing and all the leaders have a good feel about this red rain harvest. It might not be a big group of new friends but its going to be more focused:) One life at a time:) I'm really excited! There're so many people i want to meet. I know im going to expand in capacity during this period of time!

School is still horrible but with the crazy but fun bunch of people in school, im beginning to 'like' school more:) haha. Thanks jm for making me laugh with huishi's story after seeing me so sad and stress. hahaha! Im laughing to myself now as im thinking of that story. hahaha! oh man. haha. my birthday is coming and im going to be 18! i just got a revelation today that promises can never last because people have no control of what's going to happen next. Whats the point of making a promise and then break it, causing hurt on people. There's no such thing as forever, only eternity in the kingdom of God. Only God's promises can be trusted cos He is a faithful God. Honestly, im feeling so emotionally led nowadays and just stressing myself over A's. Furthermore, the hot and humid weather is driving me mad. I'm really afraid that i wont be able to make it to uni. Just had a quarrel with my mom over that last night. I'm really afraid and there's so much fear in me you'll never guess how much there is. haha. everyday in school, people are just mentioning abbout A's and how much they've been studying. I really need more encouragements and faith. I made a decision to not be emotionally led but be spirit-led. I will not lose to the devil! WILL NOT!

Life is going to be great and greater:) This is how i choose to live my life.
Let Your harvest in:)

more confirmed new friends!:D weiyin, you're powerful lah!:) im really excited for RR!:D lives are going to be changed for His glory:) Prayer meeting today was great:D And my bro sent me to church today!:D and he even gave zhenghui a lift:) i have a cool brother:D thanks brother!:D

i cant wait for RR. Although i know i will not have tiime to study or even complete my homework, im still looking forward to this weekend and even hq:) its gonna be great! breakthrough 1000!:D

Many things happened recently, in cg and in my life especially in the area of studies. Not really good things. But ive learnt to look on the positive side. Thanks zhenghui for being so truthful to me and being such a good friend:) i know i can trust you:) and i really thank God for the people i hang out with in school:) I found myself laughing more in school nowadays. Must be jiamin's nonsense. But i also found myself sighing more each day. HAHA. My heart is alaways so heavy. Sighing kinds of makes me feel better. HAI. But yeah, just a little more to the end of A's:) no more emo songs kay peijun:)

Zhenghui just told me that im overage for cinderella. haha. true true. but still, i shall be a modern day cinderella:D heehee. But, my mom keeps complaining that im not doing houseworks and cant cook D: maybe, i'll be snow white instead :) haha.

God is really faithful and His promises never fail :) Ive seen Him working in so many lives and i'm glad that i have the privilege to be able to serve Him.

my eye is hurting D: NOOO. it cant hurt that badly :( why! what happened to my big round eyes D: i guess i have to sleep earlier:)

its gonna rain RED tomorrow:) bring your brolly out, okay?:D

Its 21st may! Time passes fast and thats scary. Half a year has gone. Soon, i will find myself sitting in the examination hall taking A's. D:

My bro almost drove me to school today but he was slow! So i took cheryl's van instead. haha. Wasn't feeling good during china studies and jm noticed. haha. i told them i need a lot a lot of ice cream. haha! And we almost went to eat ice cream but we changed our mind after that. But, we went out and even huishi, the one who always goes home after school came for lunch with us. And they said it was for my sake. Haha. But, thanks girls:) We had a great time together:) I felt much better. And, thanks jasmine for accompanying me after that and for the honey lemon though i didnt really tell you anything. It was so unexpected! Haha. i was really touched:) and it really made me smiled:)

Went for cafe in church. and God did not answer zhenghui's and my prayers! Haha! But, im sure He has his reason. haha. Thanks zh anyway:) It was quite funny though. Was so tired that i decided to take cab home and gave ivy a lift. I didnt eat dinner and im feeling hungry right now:( But i brushed my teeth. So i shall only eat spiritual food for now. haha. I love spendiing time with God and i want to have the desire to draw closer to Him everyday, and understand His heart. Im rreally excited for Redrain!:) Sabrina is bringing a friend! She's a really funny person. And jasmine is bringiing her classmate. Im excited! Because that would mean that we ll have 6 tpjcian comiing on sunday including jessica:D And, weiyin is always having so much faith! I love faith:) It makes me a happy person because i know that all things is possible with God. And today i ll decide to be a happy person, not for my sake but because being happy can make others happy too:) people say i have a friendly and happy face. haha. i shall start smiling more:) because i know my God is a happy God.

Some photos taken yesterday during sports day. And really have to thank bryan for driving us to airport and even sending some of us back home:)

You girls are the reason why school is bearable:) haha.

today was a great day:)

School was mundane. I really hate school ever since past few weeks. But what can i do right. haha. I just have to endure a little more.. just a little further:)

After school, met up with jessica and jasmine for lunch. Its been a long time since we last went out together. And they accompanied me to lavendar to collect my passport. There was like 200 people in between my queue. So we went to walk around before jasmine left for her appointment. something happened when jessica and me went to look for sweets. An indian man accused me of calling tiko when i was telling jessica "lets go" LOL. I was -.- And he was really fierce.. Ask me if you want to hear the whole story. He's just totally annoying but i told myself iim not going to let him spoil my mood. Its just too ridiculous. Had a good time spent with jessica though. Hearing her talk about how she can't wait for the day when she can serve God in church. She's really someone who has dreams and visions of doing great things for God. It will come to pass:)

Met jasmine at tampines inter again and in the beginning, we did not plan to walk around tamp one but i wanted to go to chamelon to get accessories. In the end, we spent 3hrs in tamp one! Met my brother there and he successfully gave me a shock. Really saw alot people in tamp one like my neighbour and yishuen. haha. And jasmine kept seeing her sec sch friends. Yeah. We went to the disney shop and aunty jasmine just couldnt stop telling me what she's gonna buy for her kids in the future. How could you plan for what to buy for your kid when you haven thought of who to marry, jasmiine! HAHA. i shall help you keep a lookout:) haha. And she just cant help but keep dropping hints of what she wants from me when she has a new house in the future. Haiyo... But it was fun hanging out with you woman after such a long time! :D Thank you!:) Sushi was nice too:) We're gonna explore tamp 1 shop by shop one day kay:)

The heart of God is for the lost. Yeah. I thank God that im in heart of God church. Ironically, christians are not the nicest people on earth. I've seen many christians who behave worse than non-christians. Christians who judge people, mock at people's weakness, putting people down just so they can look good. I see them everyday in school, outside. It breaks my heart to see people putting down people. Honestly, I despise those people who put down the weak. Why can't we just be secured? Jesus never never puts down the weak. Instead, He lifts up the weak, He makes the weak strong in His strength. Truly, like what pastor preached, its not about being a christian, but being Christ-like. The heart of God is for the unsaved souls, the lost sheeps. We should not just stay within the four walls of church, but to build a church without walls:) We should not stay in our comfort zone, but start to step out, and reach to the people in the world. This inspires me again and again. Somehow, I always think that most of my friends are already christians and that became an excuse for me to lose the passion to evangelise. but, God says, lift up your eyes and look at the harvest. The harvest is truly plentiful. Yes, the harvest is truly plentiful but the laboureres are few. I say, "God, use me and take me so Your harvest can come." I've seen how weiyin has been loving and reaching out to her friends. I see the burden she has for her friends. I understand the heart of God and I pray for a heart of compassion in me, to love the unlovables. I know i will see all these broken souls when i start to open up my eyes to the things unseen, open my spiritual eyes.

Are you going to be the someone who is going to divide, subtract, add or multiply values to others?

Create in me a new heart
One that follows You

Place Your heart inside my soul
A heart that's ever true,
One that's after You.